Hey there everybody,
Apologies for my absence yesterday but, in my own defence, yesterday I did not think there would be a tomorrow. Due to a chain of unforeseen events, the details of which are not important, I genuinely thought I had drawn my last. As a result, yesterday evening and most of today I have been operating at slightly less than full capacity. However, the experience did reveal a few truths which I will share.
My very first thought was that I would not see Louise again and that she would not see me so I could tell her things that I could only tell her. I’m not entirely sure that that sentence makes sense but never mind.
My second was unbridled fear. Not about moving on but about doing it right then, not under my own terms (see advance directives stuff in earlier post). My terms also involve having the right people with me and they weren’t. With the exception of going to Canada, I think I have always had people with me, and this is one thing that I do not relish doing alone. Seeing Louise walk into the room and locking eyes gave my spirit a lift like no other could and it is this which I now know I crave when the time comes.
My third was disappointment about missing a major newspaper interview which was scheduled for yesterday evening.
My fourth was embarrassment about being minus pyjama bottoms at the second most important time in your life after your birth.
Anyway, the status quo has been re-established and I’m nearly back to what we now class as full power, the newspaper interview has been rescheduled for this evening and I’m wearing pyjama bottoms!
I have loved reading all of the comments which were posted of the last day or so, as usual they were just the tonic to improve my rather cloudy demeanour. Thanks again!
Speak to you tomorrow. Much love,
Neil x
True to form, Neil resorted to his sense of humour, joking about his lack of pyjamas during the most terrifying experience of life. My previous post had worried his readers and he wanted to redress the balance and let everyone know he was still alive and still Neil.
His was determined now to carry on and do the interview for the newspaper. This was his big hope for awareness. – Louise (2013)
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